Final Post!

This is my final post on “Both Sides Now”. I want to give all my attention to “Hitting The Wall” and my small card business. This one was my ‘fun’ blog and I had a GREAT time doing the song countdown. Music is life and life would be so bland with no music. I wanted to add a few honorable mention songs. (All black and white photos By Paul Glover, All Color Photos By Kelli Glover. All Rights Reserved)


If you ever see my write or hear me say my favorite group is Coldplay as ‘they took the role with me’ it is because this song, “Fix You” was playing while my car blew a time and I did a 360 degree roll. I then spent 5 weeks fighting a STAPH MRSA infection Roanoke Memorial Hospital’s ER gave me. However, this song is apros pos to the situation

“Fix You” By: Coldplay



Great current hit! Cannot get enough!

“Just Give Me A Reason” By Pink, Featuring Nate Ruess:



“Halo” by Beyonce   LOVE THIS! 😉 One of my fave ‘love to love songs’…. if you get my drift



“Theme: Game of Thrones”   Don’t ask. 😉


And on that same train of thought; on schmecksy, “Let’s Get It On” songs, I have always found “Gimme Shelter” by the Rolling Stones to be HOT, but since that was one of my all time faves, let’s go with a song about a pill……

“Mother’s Little Helper”, By: The Rolling Stones



Passenger, “Let Her Go” I am slowly… very slowly watching the You Tube first annual music awards (about 5 mins at at time) and found this little ditty as it was nominated. Very nice!



Adele is a Goddess and I picked this one for no particular reason oh heck…. let’s add one more

“Turning Tables” By Adele


because….. I have a reason I will not disclose…. but I was getting a message from God/ my guardian Angels. Let’s just say message was received and I figured out ‘why’ I needed to listen to this song…. Adele is amazing! No ‘must listen’ list would be complete without her!




Brings me back to the scene in “Nashville” that turned me into goo…..

Connie Britton (“Rayna James”from ‘Nashville’) “Pour Me Something Stronger Than Me”





Songs from my childhood…..CLASSIC!

“The Age of Aquarius” By “The Fifth Dimension”


“End Of The World” By: Skeeter Davis


“Diamonds And Rust” By: Joan Baez



“Wedding Bell Blues” By” The Fifth Dimension




Gotta have ‘the man in black’

“Ring Of Fire” By: Johnny Cash



There are so many more and I wish I could put them all. However, for the season and the holiday’s, I will leave you with a classic. While not my FAVORITE, it is in my top five. And this one takes me back to my childhood. My parents had two Christmas albums (records). One was Elvis and one was a compilation of various artists. The first song was “The Christmas Song” by Nat King Cole. To this day I still hear this song with the hisses and scratched that only vinyl brings. So I say farewell “Both Sides Now” and Happy Holiday’s as I leave you with: “The Christmas Song” By: Nat King Cole



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It Is Here!!!! My Pick for the Best #1 Song Of All Time!!!!!

CalifDream8And you thought it would be a Metallica song. 🙂 My pick for the best song of all time lies very close to my heart. However, more than that, critics as well as people of all ages can relate to this song. Rolling Stones Magazine agrees with me as they too rate it as one of the all time best songs. Written the year of my birth (of course!), 1963, Co-Writer John Phillips had a dream about the song and woke up his wife, Michelle Phillips to help him write the song. They were living in New York at the time. Michelle missed the warmth that California provides, for the most part, year round. According to Wikipedia, “The lyrics of the song express the narrator’s longing for the warmth of California during a cold winter.” However, I have heard endless interviews and read endless articles that state it was written with Michelle’s longing for California in mind. I can relate to this so very much! Thus, one of the best known songs (world-wide) was born. Calif_Dream1I make no secret that moving to Virginia from California back in 1996 is one of ‘the great mistakes of my life’. I miss my home everyday. This song has been my mantra for many years. I listen  to it often and it always takes me back……. back to the place that is not just a state, but an entity all its own.CalifDream6When my children were very small, we would always play this song over and over on our way to the beach. The girls and I would sing and harmonize to the top of our lungs! The memories tied to this song are endless. Being a pudgy child, and thinking my pudginess would last forever, I remember seeing the lovely Cass Elliot (in my opinion the best Contralto to ever grace our earth) and thinking, “She is not skinny and she is pretty and famous, maybe I can be like that too!” Her untimely death was heartbreaking. Actually there is only one in the group still alive, Michelle Phillips. Then there is Denny Doherty. Yes, the lead singer of this ballad was actually Canadian! He is from Nova Scotia. And this I can guarantee, if I had been ‘of age’ at the time, I would have had a huge crush on him because he was gorgeous! CalifDream2Many bands have covered this song (I refuse to listen to covers of “California Dreamin’) and its use in movies and media is huge. This is a hit that just gives and gives. Most people over the age of twenty five years old not just know this song, but love it! How can you not love this song? While perhaps not the ‘best’ musically as in degree of difficulty, music is so much more than the degree of difficulty of the song. This song is not ‘deep’ but it it touches the deepest parts of the soul. Music is about touching, feelings, a story, moving the listener and so much more! I am sure it means something for everyone else. For me, it is my ‘theme song’. I am a California girl through and through and that is one thing that will never change. I love my home state. I adore the weather, the lifestyle, the open-minded people, the big freeways where people actually know how to drive. The way people drive in the Roanoke/ Salem area of Virginia is a topic all of it own Merritt.  I miss being a day trip from the beach. I miss everything!

CalifDream1So enjoy what I consider to be the best song of all time, “California Dreamin’  ” by The Mamma’s and The Pappa’s. My next post I will re cap the list, in order, and post some ‘honorable mentions’ and then put this blog into moth balls. So, until next time, K.


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The 2nd Best Song Ever: A Personal Journey Song!


The song I picked as the 2nd best song of all time is a song that I consider excellent on all levels: musically, lyrically, tone and the way it can just grab you so deep in your soul and touch a place that very rarely anyone/ place/ song/ movie or book can touch. This song can. Not only can it, but it does. We have all made that one huge mistake in our life that has changed its course…. at least if we are over forty. If you have not, do not worry, you will! If you are under thirty five years old thinking, “I will never screw up that bad… ever”, get back in touch with me in twenty years and tell me how you like your crow: baked, grilled or fried.



It will not be the exact mistake I made, whose is? However,  you will make a biggie because we are all human and therefore imperfect creatures. In other words, we all mess up. Occasionally…. at least once in our life… it is going to be a big mistake. Sometimes twice. I don’t plan on going there. Nonetheless you will hear me say, “I am a firm believer in 2nd and sometimes even a 3rd chance… after that, you have struck out.” While I rarely say never, that one mistake I made,  will never be repeated. Mistakes I make, everyday, yet I feel like I am somehow not allowed to make them. It is wrong and it is probably the biggest trigger in my anxiety and the reason I keep Prevacid (my ulcer medication) in business….. the pursuit of perfection. This song is about the opposite of perfection; it is about hitting rock bottom.


There are many interpretations about this song. Many think the character in the song is a heroin addict (and NO, I have NEVER used an illegal drug in my life, just to clear that up). It really does not matter what the character did, the point is, he hit his rock bottom. He is hopeless. He feels worthless. He feels like a dog in the rain. That is about as bad as it gets and trust me, I have been there and done that and the T shirt is folded and safely tucked away as a reminder: like an old ‘war wound’. lowman4I had stated that the 2nd best song and the 3rd best song, “So Far Away” (a song of triumph), would be ‘backwards’ because I was doing the countdown backwards. So it seems a little out of order that I had the song of overcoming my mistakes and pain has already had a blog post and I am now putting a blog post about hitting one’s lowest point. However, this song is better musically so it had to be listed this way. The video I picked was shot when Metallica was doing a concert in Seoul, Korea in 1998. It is the video in which I fell madly ‘in love’ with James Hetfield. I have three men in my life…. my amazing husband Paul, my Grandson Bennett and James Hetfield, the little part of me that gets to be twelve years old for a little bit here and there. lowman3James Hetfield had a low point. He was a low man. He was heavy into drugs and alcohol and his wife nearly took their three children and left him. He picked his family over substance abuse and has been clean ever since. As the daughter of an alcoholic, I commend him and that is one of the sexiest things about James. Anyone that can conquer a beast that huge has my deepest respect. Not only did my Mother never conquer it, she never admitted it (openly), though I did find out after her passing she did admit it privately. She lost every family member and friend to booze. She died the saddest most pathetic death one would ever imagine and as a paranormal investigator, I am almost certain her spirit is probably still in the house that she passed in. Sad. Pathetic. Just plain wrong. We will all have that low, sad, distraught point in our life. What matters is: the path we choose to take.

It does not help that we live in such an unforgiving society.

I cannot believe how unforgiving people are in this day and age. That is why I try so hard to be quick to forgive (unless someone commits the same mistake over and over and even then I can ‘forgive’…. it does not mean I will hang around and watch them crash, burn and take me down as in the case of my Mother… who I forgave). However, one can forgive but if the person makes no attempt to better the situation, one must also survive. If the person is really trying, I cannot for the love of God understand why people have such cold, unforgiving hearts. Someday, somewhere, some time, they are going to need forgiveness and watch out, because they are going to encounter a cold, unforgiving heart. Why? Karma. It is that simple. You get what you give and eventually what you give comes back around to you. The saddest part of all this, however, is not what happened to me as the child of an alcoholic. The saddest are the people that either do not or only half believe the ‘House of Horror’s’ I spent from age ten to eighteen in. Putting aside the two dark things that happened to me separate from my Mothers addiction, there are actually people who saw my Mom here and there and saw her charm….. which she had plenty of, when she was sober. I say to ‘nay-Sayer’s’ : Look up children of addiction. Look at their traits. I slam dunk nearly every one of them. And it is not my fault any more than it is the fault of a child that is physically abused. I have been in therapy for a decade and likely will be for decades to come. So at least I am trying to improve! And I am not the ‘low girl’ I was, once upon a time,  anymore. I have not been her for a long, oh-so long time. At least I am trying and I am trying so very hard!


So enjoy watching Mr. Hetfield  😉 and listening to my pick for the 2nd best song of all time. This song, when the mood strikes, is one that I can and often do put the CD on in the car and play Track 11 on repeat as I drive around and run my errands.

The trash fire is warm
But nowhere safe from the storm
And I can’t bare to see
What I’ve let me be
So wicked and worn

So as I write to you
Of what is done and to do
Maybe you’ll understand
And won’t cry for this man
‘Cause low man is due

Please forgive me
Please forgive me
Please forgive me

So low the sky is all I see
All I want from you is forgive me
So you bring this poor dog in from the rain
Though he just wants right back out again

Until next time, K.

To read about children of addiction:


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The 3rd Greatest Song! It is Autobiographical!

faraway5My pick for the third best song ever is both a great song and an autobiographical song. Actually to be totally honest, my pick for both number two and number three are autobiographical…. number two would be at my lowest, number three, my triumph over a very dark time in my life. Since I am counting backwards, the song of triumph is going to be played before the song of my ‘low point’. However, since I feel very strongly the song picked for the 2nd best song is stronger musically, you will have to work with me here. When I re-cap them as I announce my pick for number one, I will list them in order so it will flow better.

faraway4After hitting what I would call a ‘rock bottom’, I pulled myself up by my boot straps, turned my life around and though it has taken many years, I am very proud of the life I live now. Am I perfect? No, far from it. And to be honest, if people choose to hold me up to standards of perfection, they can just move along because I will guarantee you here and now, I will never be perfect. However, there is no person on this earth that is perfect.

The words:

Now that we’re here, it’s so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
And all the mistakes, one life contained
They all finally start to go away
And now that we’re here, it’s so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive (not in the words, but I can forgive myself )
And I’m not ashamed to be
The Person that I am today

faraway6You will hear me say I am a firm believer in 2nd and even 3rd chances. I am a very ‘3 strikes your out’ sort of person. That is because I was given a 2nd chance by some people in my life and I firmly believe that most people (with a few exceptions such as horrific crimes…. I mean that of course is a different sort of ‘mistake’), otherwise, normal human ‘mess ups’ deserve another chance. We all mess up, especially if we were raised by ‘messed up’ people. This is not a cop-out, just a fact.

So both musically and for personal reasons, I have picked, “So Far Away” by Stained for the 3rd best song of all time.

Until next time, K.


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Home Stretch! The 4th Best Song Of All Time!

nothingelse1There are two Metallica songs in my pick for the top five all time best songs. My pick for the 4th best song of all time is one of those two songs. Now I know what you are thinking. You are thinking it is my raging inner twelve year old lusting after James Hetfield. You are wrong. In fact Metallica is not even my favorite band! Coldplay is! Metallica is my second favorite band. 🙂  I am looking at overall music (as a trained musician and vocalist I know what I am looking for), ‘feeling’…. how does the song make you feel? Where does it take you? What message is it sending? Is it ageless…. is it as good today as it was a year ago… a decade ago and if it has been around long enough, three or four decades ago?

nothingelseThis song has special meaning to me. It is ‘our song’…. mine and Paul’s. Especially giving that the first year of so of our engagement was the ultimate in long distance with him being in Ireland and me in Virginia. Here is the story of how James Hetfield wrote “Nothing Else Matters” (Per Wikipedia):   Singer and rhythm guitarist James Hetfield wrote the song (credited to Hetfield/Ulrich) while he was on the phone with his then girlfriend. Since he held the phone with one hand, he plucked the four open strings of a standard E-minor chord with the other, which eventually made up the first two bars of the song. The lyrics, which talk about being “so close, no matter how far”, were also dedicated to his girlfriend, indicating the bond they shared even when Hetfield was on tour. Initially, the song was not meant to be released, as Hetfield had written it for himself, but after drummer Lars Ulrich heard it, it was considered for the album.

nothingelse2This is not heavy metal (which I do love!) but rather the most beautiful love ballad you will ever hear. Paul got to sing ‘back up’ along with 65,000 other people at Donington in 1995 (lucky!). So I give you, the 4th best song of all time which is also my love story song (as well as Paul’s)…. and remember, “Nothing Else Matters”. Until next time, K.


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The Home Stretch, Number 5!!! And Closing Shop!!!!

whitershade1The countdown of what I consider to be the best 25 songs of all time continues and with it, some news. My readership of my blog, “Hitting The Wall” is pretty healthy and continues to grow. For this I am thankful. This is my ‘fun’ blog. “The Losing Side” just simply ran out of gas. After six years post gastric bypass I had run out of things to say. Making it clear I am always available to answer questions or serve as support for anyone thinking about or going through weight loss surgery, I went ahead and archived that blog. I will be doing the same with this blog after I announce the Number One song and the following post I will list some honorable mentions with a “Goodbye” post and archive this blog. I simply want to put all my eggs in one basket, want to devote all my attention to just one blog and occasionally should I see fit to talk ‘off topic’ about something I feel strong about, I will post an “Off The Wall” post and do just that. So for now, let the countdown resume.

The fifth best song ever was on the soundtrack to one of my all time favorite movies, “The Big Chill”. This song is timeless. If you are over thirty five years old, chances are you too consider it to be one of the best songs of all time. Like “Stairway To Heaven”, this song is proclaimed by critics to be one of the best songs of all time. Unlike Led Zeppelin, however, the band that made the recording, Procol Harum, did not rise to quite the same fame as Led Zeppelin, although Procol Harum was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 2012. whitershade3

Before you ask, I loved this song long before the lyrics, “That at first her face just ghostly, turned a whiter shade of pale.” Opening with a haunting organ solo (reminding me of  “The Rolling Stones” song “You Can’t Always Get What You Want”), I would label this song as mood music. This type of music transports me to a time and place I cannot quite capture into words. It comforts yet haunts me at the same time. It just makes me feel a feeling that is without description. It has a feel all of its own. “Stairway To Heaven” is also mood music, though this song, even more. My pick for the number 2 best song (coming up), even more! whitershade2In my book, this song has never lost its standing. It has remained in my all time favorite top five position now for nearly thirty years! This song is a song that nearly anyone over the age of thirty to thirty five will recognize … at least in the UK,  USA, Australia, Canada, etc. I picked the cheesy original video for a few reasons. Though so cheesy you could top a crate of Ritz Crackers, there are some good views of London, especially what appears to be Piccadilly Circus in London. I laughed because the drug store Boots has not change their sign in all these years! I myself was a small child when they made that oh-so-cheesy video…. yellow with age, and there stood Boots with the same sign. The traffic, just as bad, the city just as crowded and I was so excited because even if I never return (and the chances are low because with my health issues the odds of me being able to sustain a flight over the pond again are slim to none), I know I have been there!

So enjoy this cheesy, wonderful time capsule back to the psychedelic days of London and enjoy my pick for the 5th best song of all time, “Whiter Shade Of Pale” by Procul Harum. Until next time, K.


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6th Best Song Ever, Most Would Agree!

stairway5My pick for the 6th best song of all time is hands down a favorite of rock enthusiast from age twenty to age seventy as well as being named by many critics as the best rock song of all time. I would not go quite that far, but that is just my opinion. All the same, this song rocks, rolls and moves in so many ways and on so many levels it is really hard to find words. You just have to listen to its greatness to grasp what is Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway To Heaven”. stairway4

The song starts soft and subtle with a beautiful flute solo. I miss my daughter Taylor so much since she has went off to college. She is the youngest and that is hard for sure but one of the biggest things I miss is hearing her play her flute. She has an amazing talent and I am overjoyed that she is pursuing her passion in her college studies. The song swells and swells and gets bigger and bigger until it hits a great rock and roll crescendo and then it starts backing off again to that soft, sad, serene ending. Amazing!


Then there is the lyrics. Who has really read the lyrics?:

This will give you further info on the writing of the song… it was a very complicated, multi-layerd process. Nonetheless, there are some references in here that speak to me in volumes.

“Stairway To Heaven”

There’s a lady who’s sure all that glitters is gold
And she’s buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she cant get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she’s buying a stairway to heaven.

There’s a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
‘Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook, there’s a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.

Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.

There’s a feeling I get when I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who stand looking.

Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.

And it’s whispered that soon, if we all call the tune,
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long,
And the forests will echo with laughter.

If there’s a bustle in your hedgerow, don’t be alarmed now,
It’s just a spring clean for the May queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There’s still time to change the road you’re on.
And it makes me wonder.

Your head is humming and it won’t go, in case you don’t know,
The piper’s calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind?

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When we all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

And she’s buying the stairway to heaven.


“There’s a feeling I get when I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.”

Anyone that knows me, knows how much of a monumental mistake I feel the move from California to Virginia was for my family in 1996. If I had it to do over again, it would have never happened. If you have ever received an e-mail from me, these words may look familiar. That is because as I shuffle my e-mail signature around every few weeks changing out my favorite quotes, this is one I used quite often. I live in the east and these words just hit home. When I look west and see a sunset, all I can think about is how much I miss California. I think about all the years I missed with my parents and how much our move really did break their heart. I was an only child, my ex husband had parents that were wealthy enough to fly out to VA whenever they wanted. My parents, not so much. Then my Dad’s health took a bad turn and even if he did have the money, he would not have been able to travel. The weather: do not even get me started. People flicking cigarette’s out their car window like planet earth is a waste can! It drives me nuts! Cops camp out waiting for someone going 5 MPH over the speed limit or God forbid that expired decal! But everyone and their brother can be a ‘flame thrower’ and the cops and YES, Roanoke, Salem and Vinton POLICE, I am talking to you, Shame on you for not pulling these ‘flame throwers’ over! In California if you do that you will get pulled over so fast you won’t know what hit you! The smoking ratio is a lot less too, but even those that do smoke do not want to get pulled over and do not want to start a wild fire. Then there is the fish out of water thing. I just don’t fit in here. I could go on, but you get the drift. I am not putting anyone down. Look, if someone from here moved to California, they would have the same whoa, only opposite. In fact a maintenance worker for the complex I live in went to California for four months a few years ago when he was out of work. His wife’s sister lives in the Los Angeles area and there was some short term work for him out there. He hated it. He despised it. He hated the crowds, the traffic, the fast pace and the weather if you can believe that! I told him…. yes, I told him…. I understood! It is not that California is better than Virginia. Virginia is one of the most beautiful states in the country. The city I live in is fairly affordable and low crime and there are a lot of wonderful people here. It is just simply, I am a California girl, through and through. This is not my way of life. However, my way of life is not better, it is just different. Just like the man that went to California for four months with his wife and two daughters. Even Disneyland, the “Happiest Place on Earth” did not change his mind! I get it! It is culture not who is better because nobody is better it is just what you are used to. So my spirit cries for leaving every time I look to the west…. except in October. 😉 I do love it here in October.


“Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There’s still time to change the road you’re on.” I love this because it is saying if you are making mistakes, there is time to make it right! We all make mistakes because we are human and no human is perfect, except one who walked the earth over 2,000 years ago. So I think those are words we can all relate to.  More than anything though, “Stairway To Heaven”, even after all these years, is just a timeless, great, kick ass song that will probably be just as popular when my Granddaughter and soon to be born Grandson is my age as it is now. It is not just a song, it is a legend.

I picked a live version because I like to choose live versions if possible. I is awesome! Enjoy! Until next time, K.


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The Countdown Continues: 7th Best All Time Song!

every_hurts4 The countdown continues! This song has saved me countless times. In fact, I can rarely get through this song without tearing up or outright crying. REM does not know the public service they achieved when they recorded this wonderful song that also bears a cover shout out by “The Corrs” with Bono. It is a song about something everyone can relate to……. pain. Anyone that knows me knows I am an expert at pain but this song is not about physical pain it is about emotional pain. Unfortunately, I am also an expert at that kind of pain. This song lets us know….. we are not alone in our turbulent ride through various emotional upheavals that life throws at us.

every_hurts1The last decade + a few years has been the most tumultuous time in my life! I have had more major (unpleasant) life events ….. a (bad, bad) divorce, bad turn for my illness, nearly died with a perforated intestine and if it were not for a really good surgeon who retired the next year (and I am not embellishing…. look up duodenal ulcer with perforated intestine and see with the prognosis is without surgery), my goose would have been cooked. I spent three days in ICU and five days with an NG tube the most miserable thing ever invented in medicine. I lost my job when I ate up my FMLA time due to my illness and have been fighting over 2 1/2 years for my disability so my husband works all his jobs…. without complaint…. to keep the lights on, a roof over our head, etc. His priority is to God first of course, me and he even volunteers for the church… though he did have to cut back to once a month on that. Do I love that man. He had never made me feel foolish or dumb. He has never made fun of me or made me feel like my jobs were any less important than his (though he has an esteemed degree and is a brilliant computer programmer). Paul Glover is genius but would never ever let anyone know it. I have *never* seen a problem he could not solve, but he is in no way, shape or form ever arrogant in regards to his intelligence.  So through this hell and fighting battles I just cannot win (things I will not even touch on), there has been Paul. And this song. This song has probably prevented as many suicides as any suicide hotline.


Yes, everybody does hurt….. and pretty bad at times. It does not make us weak, it makes us human. People that act like they are ‘all that’…. smug…… better than others, I have no tolerance for that.  We are all equal in the eyes of God and if you are not a believer in a higher power, we are all equal because we are all human beings…. no one human whether it be the Queen of England to the poorest of the poor in a third world country is any better than the other. Even if you do not believe there is anything after this life (and I have over 100 recordings to prove…. there is more after this life)….. we are born and just because we are born and a human being, we are important and no one of us is any better than the next. We each have different styles. We have different spiritual and political beliefs, we parent different (and this one really is a way to lose my respect)…. we need to respect parents (with the *exception* of abuse,  to parent the way *they* see fit). We are not putting a transmission in a car, we are raising children here and when they go off to college they are not going to care if they wore disposable diapers or cloth, if they had designer clothes or 2nd hand and a bunch of other sacred cows I will not touch.  I actually joined a closed group with mothers of babies (regarding a certain subject) on Face Book so I myself could vent about an issue in private as to not get in an argument with friends that I love and adore! I have not dealt with this particular thing for 20 years, but in order to not say something I regret, I made myself a member to have a safe place I can go to ‘scream’ when it all gets to be too much. But life should not be this hard! It is hard enough to have to have your husband help you out of bed each morning…. and you are not even 50 years old yet! But it is. So, back to the song and the story goes: I am not going to pretend that there has never been a time or place that I have not considered ending my own life, I honestly do not think anyone with very progressed fibromyalgia has not entertained that thought on more than one occasion. However the pain it would cause my husband and the heartbreak it would put him through after all he does for me? No. Furthermore, it is not my call…. it is God’s. God has a plan for each of us. How do I know a new protocol or even a cure is not right around the corner? Most of all, my Grandchildren…… I want to see them grow up! They are the center of my world. So if for no other reason, I strive forward for them! So remember…. hang in there, because everybody hurts! And it will get better…. so I present to you, my pick for the 7th best song of all time…. “Everybody Hurts” by REM. It is a FABULOUS video too! Enjoy!



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“Nashville”: Gut Reaction Part 2


They did it again! This gutsy, sudsy but oh, so well written show hit a pain so deep in me that we had to pause the DVR so I could cry it out. I am talking about the last episode (for Season One) of “Nashville”. Now this episode had about a million and one things happen but the story line I am referring to is the death (suicide/overdose) of Juliette’s Mother, Jolene. The character Jolene had been clean and only used again to get the guts up to kill the evil troll Dante who had blackmailed her daughter with a sex tape. My only complaint here is this was a little weak. Sex tape? This was just a bit 1985-ish of them in my opinion. No one cares anymore about a sex tape but nonetheless they needed something to use as a object to blackmail the young super diva so I suspect a sex tape was just as good as anything else. In any case, unlike Jolene, my Mom did not quit drinking nor did she even admit there was a problem. With my Mom I could have chosen for there to be a lot of baggage: she used parental alienation when I was younger to try and turn me against my Dad, a few months before I turned 18 she cashed in an insurance policy my Dad had been paying into so I could cash it in when I turned 18 to have a little money for college and she verbally abused and at times slapped me a good one across the face. The list goes on. My point, however, is not to bash my mom. The reason I am stating all this is for one reason: out of all the things she did: I only ever asked my Mom one thing….. one….. to get help for her addiction to alcohol. In addition, I dropped any grudge I had about the other things, including the money she literally stole out from under me, because I knew she had an illness. I just wanted her to get help.  I told her when she did this, I would be with her every step of the way and be her biggest fan. She quit drinking the day she died.


There are not enough words of praise for Hayden Panettiere (who, just for trivia,  shares her middle name Leslie with my youngest daughter; both girls who have gender neutral first and middle names! Just some trivia there and both girls talented beyond words I might add….. maybe there is something there parents, in naming that is 😉  ). In any event, Hayden, Thank You! You did your research well and acting from the gut… from the heart. I am not sure how you did it or what method you used to capture what it is to be the child of addiction, but you landed it hook, line and sinker. Again, thank you! This subject is rarely touched in television or movies like some sacred cow that no writer wants to go near. Everything else is beat to death: addiction in the 1st person view, lying, cheating, hoarding, over-indulging, back-stabbing, drama, drama and more drama. There are shows that scope every subject but other than this storyline on “Nashville”, I cannot remember the last show that dealt with being an adult child of an alcoholic/addict. When Juliette screams out, “I should be celebrating it is finally over!”; that is where I lost it and we had to pause so I could cry it out. I was trying to eat my dinner to make it worse. Try losing it with a mouth full of ribeye! I thought my husband was going to have to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me. You see, out of respect to my Mom, I will never write (for the public to read) how/ in what manner she died. I will never print what the last few months of her life were like. But it was sad. It was as sad and pitiful as it gets. I can relate to that very scene. God, can I relate. You mourn…. you mourn the talented, colorful, loving person inside the horror of the cancer that would be addiction. Addiction is like an onion. Over the years it puts layers on a person until the real person is buried so far down inside, you really can hardly remember who that person is. So in a way when they are finally freed from the confines of this life, you celebrate for yourself (that is just human nature… especially if you have been abused by their addiction). However, a part of you celebrates for the real person who is released. They are no longer a slave to that bottle of wine, syringe, line of cocaine, etc. You picture them flying out of those layers and finally free! So their death…. as awful as it sounds…. on so many levels is a relief. It does not make your grief any less. If anything it magnifies it because you never got to have the relationship you wanted. You never got to heal. Nonetheless, my hope and prayer is that my Mom is whole and healthy now…… no need for that ‘fix’ of wine at high noon. I maintain one of the writers of “Nashville” must be the child of an alcoholic/addict. You do not ‘just’ write this…… only those that live this hell can understand it fully.

CONNIE BRITTON, HAYDEN PANETTIEREAnother great scene was when Juliette went to the CMA awards. Oh how the diva in her wanted that award….. prior to her Mama dying. Even after her Mama died she came to the ceremony fully intending on sitting in the audience. It was when her manager, producer and other entourage pleaded with her that this was not the time or place for her to be there that she went to the funeral home and sat with her Mama finally breaking down and crying “You have left me all alone!” Then when she won Glenn brings the award to her. She was without emotion. She was cold. It was just a decoration…. her Mama was dead. Glenn gave her a very needed hug. Even as I type these words I cannot help but break into tears again for it just hits a nerve so raw…. so deep. It is a club…… a club for the children of addiction, no words necessary. At the end of the show in a way only Hollywood can wrap it up in a pretty little box, Juliette got a posthumous letter from her mother explaining everything and she finally lets down the wall she had built between her and her Mama…. even if it was just a bit too late. Her Mama at least got redemption in her eyes. She earned some respect for she took the fall, the shame, the heat and took it off Juliette and the little computer chip the sex tape was on and the person who put it there was forever gone with it.

I never got that pretty little box. I got a box of musty pictures ……about 1/3 of them which have no business being with me and need to go back to California. I am going through them very slow because each time I open that box it is like ripping a band-aid off of a scab and having to reapply a fresh one. I know I would feel different if she had just met me 1/2 way and had tried but alas there was ‘no drinking problem’ and everyone else had ‘a problem’ until there was no one else in her life (except from afar via occasional correspondence). I am thankful to the creators, producers, writers and actors of “Nashville” because whether they know it or not, they have served a great service to raise awareness to alcoholism and addiction! As I have said before, TV is for the most part a barren wasteland of junk. However, “Nashville” can seem like a night time soap if you just look on the surface, but scratch a bit deeper and there is oh, so much more! This song fits to a tee!    Until next time. K.


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Number 8 !!!! It’s Electrifying!!!!!

lineman1First, I want to apologize for the lapse in posts. I am having ‘computer issues’ which are not going to get sorted out anytime soon. So, I decided to resume my blog and just put my trust in my old girl here to see me through my next few posts. I am anxious to get them out and have had numerous inquiries (a good thing, believe me!!!!)  🙂 on when new blog posts would be out. So, we resume the top twenty five, best ever songs, with number nine. This song is an oldie, but oh-so goody. I remember it for as long as I can remember noticing music!


Paul and I have a lot of ‘songs’ and this is one of them! Paul said it was ‘ok’ to say he is not the greatest singer in the world… though as I told him if he really wanted to pursue singing (he does not), he could have a good voice if he tried. As a former trained vocalist, believe me, singing is only part gift and a lot of practice, practice and more practice. In any event, when my modest little Irishman sings,

” And I need you more than want you……
And I want you for all time”

I just melt. I know I kid around like a hormone infested twelve year old about James Hetfield (my mid-life crush), but I know where I want to be! We have several songs…. enough to fill at least two CD’s…. but this song would be in the top five of  ‘our songs’ for sure! However, more than that, this is just a really great, timeless song.

Before I ever start writing any piece, I pick out my graphics, music. I found the perfect video to go with this song and to just drive home that it is more than a love song, it is a testimonial to the many men and in recent decades, women who climb those poles in all kinds of weather. On the video, in case you miss it, the last picture is the man’s (who compiled the video) Grandfather climbing his last pole before his retirement in 1972. So here you go, my choice for the 8th best song of all time, “Wichita Lineman” By Glen Campbell



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