Well, here I sit, another New Years Eve. Another night, tonight, to look forward to sitting on my couch, watching the ball drop, next to my husband who is also my best friend. I get sad, to some degree, each year that we have so many friends and family, but never seem to get invited to any sort of New Years Eve get-together. I don’t quite understand it, because we get plenty of invites to other things. However, home, next to Paul, well, I am blessed. Not all people can say, after nearly 7 years of marriage and going through storm after storm, that not only is their relationship still intact, but that the black cloud that stays overhead has actually bonded them closer. They can say they are married to their best friend. For that I am proud and thankful.
This has been a year to remember. Just like 2007 will stay with me; tattooed on my heart as the year I lost my Dad, 2011 will go down as the year I lost my Mom. In fact she passed one day after the ten year anniversary of 9-11.
I want to set a few things straight. Many people think I ‘disowned’ my Mom. I did NO such thing. I am not going to go into a lot because so much of it is deeply personal AND out of respect to my Mom, who I hope has finally found her peace, I don’t find it necessary to convey the personal details. I only ever asked ONE thing of my Mom. Though arguably there were many things/conditions I could have placed, there was just one and my heart leaped with joy a few weeks ago when I found out at some point she was looking into that one thing I asked of her. Even though she never went through with it, words cannot describe how comforting that was to know she at least made *some* effort and I will leave it at that. Why bother telling anyone the issues you have with them if you are just going to make it some obstacle course they can never get out of because you keep making the stakes higher. Most of the time we forget that our parents are people. Because they are people, they make mistakes and are no less vulnerable to ‘screwing thingsup’; big or small, just like we can.I have learnedtrying to make some people understand fibromyalgia is like trying to make a six month old baby understand the theory of relativity. It is sad that in spell check the word fibromyalgia has a red line under it BUT but the word squiggly DOES NOT have a red line underneath it. How screwed up is that? A condition that affects an estimated 5.8 million Americans (alone) is still not a recognizable word in spell-check!
Please take even 5 minutes to read one or both of these web sites. Imagine if you hurt like you do with the flu, to some degree, every single day. Imagine if you, in say your 40’s, for the last TWENTY YEARS have felt like an 80 year old lady getting out of bed in the morning (if you were lucky enough to be able to sleep in bed and not have to sleep sitting up because of pain), every morning. That is all I will say, because most people know at least 1 person that has fibro. I am not trying to be a “Debbie Downer”, I am simply trying to convey a message.
I say this each year and our little black rain cloud just sits, but this is the year we push it away! For one thing, I have a kick ass counselor who has taught me I am a worthwhile and loving human being who, despite being human and also accountable, I do not have to be a punching bag. This is the year I am not taking any *bleep* from anyone. Now don’t get me wrong. This does not mean I am going to walk around with an attitude, it just means I am going to be myself; loving, sincere, kind and bubbly. I want to be the best Kelli I can be and that is what I am focusing on. I am a Christian. I am a Christian wife, Mom, Mammo and friend… and I want to be the best I can be in allthose areas.
1. Read at least 8 books. It was 10, but I want a realistic goal that I can achieve.
*****Brain fog from the fibro has really messed wih my concentration.
2. To write at least an hour a day (per a published author friend I have made online who has been so supportive along with another author who has also)
3. Continue to ween myself off of diet coke and get to where I only have a few a week at the most.
Also, just continue to be the best I can be. I always strive to be the best I can be for God and my family.
Happy New Year To All. And may 2012 be a best year yet!